If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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