i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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