Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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