I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize