8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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