I think I died a long time ago.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize