This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize