Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize