What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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