I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize