While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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