i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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