if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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