I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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