Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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