haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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