Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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