The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
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Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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