You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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