The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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