just tell him i said nine months
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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