Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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