it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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