Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize