Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My hand turned me down
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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