so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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