I hate your face
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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