bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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