I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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