If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize