I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize