My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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