hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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