Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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