"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
