So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize