You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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