You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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