Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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