i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize