My Higher Power is John Stamos
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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