batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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