I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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