didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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