Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
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He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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