I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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