sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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