I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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