no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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