So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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