What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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